weakness and strength

so......i'm better now but still missing my new little man like crazy!  we had such a great weekend!!!  i wasn't expecting to bond with him the way that i did...it was very comfortable and very natural.  from the moment i started loving on him, it was like he was saying, "oh..hi mom...i've been waiting for you to come see me".  he was so engaging with his big blue eyes and open mouthed smile :)  

the kids and i fell in love with him and we are sooooo ready for him to be home with us!  i'm really praying that will be soon.  paperwork is being transfered to houston this week.......so i've been told.  we shall see....

i also had a very humbling moment over the weekend.  i was getting ready for church on sunday morning and thinking about the fact that i was a mother of four.  (still feels weird to say that)  if you had told me 5 years ago that i would be a mother of four i would have laughed in your face and headed for the hills. :)  anyway...i was also thinking about kyle and i discussing adoption before we were married and how we both felt called etc.  then it hit me............out of all the women on this planet, God chose me to be their mother.  wow...........  it was a very humbling thought, especially since i feel less than worthy majority of the time.  then He brought to mind 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  HELLO!!!!!!!  i feel like the definition of weak.   the thought of being the mom of these four precious gifts completely overwhelms me daily.  i can't do it.  i don't have the patience, the selflessness, the discipline and the love to be a good mother to them.  But......He does..........Praise God!!!!  it's not in my power or my strength.....it's in His.....and what He has called me to do.....He is faithful to bring about!  

so....mom's be encouraged!!!  He is strong in our weakness!  I hope you're Easter was blessed and that you experience the power of His resurrection daily!

ughhhhh....

i've been dreading this day all weekend. we have to take gray back to his foster home. i'm packing even as i type this. i just wanted to ask for prayers. i'm having a really hard time and so is rylee. please pray for us today! i'll write thoughts on the weekend soon. thanks for your prayers....i haven't felt heartache like this in a while...................

Finally...

i went and picked up Gray at 3:30pm yesterday. i can't explain how it felt to finally hold and kiss him :) we loaded his stuff and headed for my parents. the kids were waiting at my parents house and were thrilled to finally meet him. i think they were beginning to think that we made this whole thing up. :)

they took to him immediately! the girls are helping left and right, wanting to hold him, feed him etc. kade loves on him but i sense a little jealousy already....he's been the only boy.

we had a great night last night. he slept and woke from around 8pm-10pm. i was a little worried about the kind of night i was in for. he finally went to sleep again around 10pm and slept until 7am this morning. i was pleasantly surprised. he woke up this morning happy and smiling. he is precious beyond words and reminds me soooo much of lily. gray looks more like her at 6mths than kade did.

my parents had to go to a wedding last night. so...i got my first dose of four kids by myself. needless to say it was interesting and i know that i am in for a big challenge. but, i'm up for it :) we are all thoroughly enjoying him.

i am not allowed to post pics of him on the internet (foster parent rules). when i get home i will email pics.

if i don't get a chance to blog again before then.....Happy Easter and may you feel His presence!!!

the plan.......

well, the plan is that the kids and i are heading to rockwall on thursday and i will be going to pick up gray (excited out of my mind)!!!  he will stay with us for the entire Easter weekend!!! i'm sad that kyle can't come with us, but he has too many responsibilities for the weekend and can't get away.  in order for us to get him and stay with my parents, they had to do criminal background checks on both of them.  hopefully they will overlook my mom's drug conviction from the late 80's and my father's "personal escort" service run out of the church parlor.........................just kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) the crim checks are supposed to back on tuesday or wednesday......so we are cutting it close.

needless to say, we can't wait to spend the weekend and get to know our little Gray.  the kids are soooo excited to meet their little brother!  as exciting as this weekend will be, it will be very difficult to return him on Monday.  please pray for us...  thanks!!!

on a lighter note....we had a houseful last night.  my friend kriste (from corsicana), her kids and a friend and her kids, traveling with her on the way to galveston spent the night with us last night.  we had a great time and stayed up talking until 1:30am.  i miss her dearly!  one of our youth from corsicana, molly, is coming to spend some time with us this week.  so, molly, the kids and i are heading to galveston to spend the day with kriste and her crew at the beach.  the twins have never been on the beach.  they have seen the ocean but never experienced playing etc.  it will be so much fun.  

anyway, we have a busy week.  blessings to everybody......

the latest...

i spoke with a cps supervisor (dana) yesterday.  she assured me that our case was very high priority and they were working as such.  she said that the regional adoption coordinator told  her that we were looking at 60 to 90 days which is strange because she told me a couple of weeks.  so, i'm still trying to get a hold of the adoption coordinator to see if we really are looking at 60 to 90 days...ughhhh.   

i also told dana that my parents live about 45 minutes from where Gray is right now.  i asked if we could start taking him for short visits and staying at my parents.  she said she didn't see a problem with that and was going to speak with the powers that be.  

so, as of now....we still don't have a time frame.  but they are doing criminal background checks on my parents so that we can have some visits.  please pray because i can't imagine visiting with him and then having to give him back.  

on a lighter note...we had a great birthday weekend for rylee last weekend.  i'll try to get some pics on here tonight or tomorrow.  thanks for your prayers!!!

Rylee Michele is turning 5!

our cps worker called me today and asked for some paperwork on the twins that she was having trouble finding.  it is information on their birth mother.  i couldn't believe it!  bless her heart, she needs to retire...  nothing new going on there....they are in the process of getting everything transfered down here.  

my baby girl is turning five tomorrow...  i can't believe it!!!  we made muffins together today for her to take to her class tomorrow.  she requested white cake with pink icing and sprinkles.   she tends to be an emotional child (have no idea where she gets that from ) :)  anyway, for whatever reason she was sad about getting older and was crying because she didn't want to grow up and get married and leave her dad and i.  she proceeded to tell me that she was never getting married and that she was going to live with us forever.......that was perfectly fine with kyle :)  i'm constantly amazed at how quickly these precious days fly by.  it seems like just yesterday that we were bringing her home from the hospital and now she's turning five and starting kindergarten in August...........ok......time to stop and got to bed (i've already cried twice today) 

Roller Coaster, anyone???!!!

needless to say, this whole experience has been one high and dip after another.  thursday was no exception as i received a call that morning saying we were licensed and ready to go.  i was told that everything had been turned over to CPS.  upon contacting CPS i was expecting to be told that they would be bringing gray this weekend or next week.........not so much....  long story short:  after speaking with our cps worker, her supervisor and the adoption coordinator for the northern region i found out that our cps worker had not informed the dallas region that we had moved to houston.  i wish i could say i was shocked, but i was not.  this is the same CPS worker that we dealt with before with the twins and to put it bluntly...the lights are on but nobody's home.  so.....much frustration on thursday.  i'm also tired of being told "time frames" because they keep changing.  i have resolved that we will get him when we get him.  

i woke up around 4am friday morning feeling burdened, frustrated and wanting so much to hold my baby.  i felt God's presence gently remind me to be patient........He often has to do that with me :)  

thank you for your prayers during this roller coaster ride!  i don't know what we would do without your encouraging emails, words, prayers and support!  

i will be blogging updates now....it's much easier than emailing everyone.  feel free to check in to get updates!