Adoption...and other stuff

for some reason writing on this blog, which at one time brought me a lot of joy...has turned into a chore. Why? there could be so many answers to that question...probably the first one would be...i have four children and i'm worn out all the time. yep....that probably sums it up :) however, at this particular moment...i am alone (yes, you are reading correctly) a-l-o-n-e. this doesn't happen very often. i am sitting in my parents living room. grey, the twins and my mom are sleeping. my dad and rylee are at the church for a rehearsal of some kind and me...i'm sitting here alone...in the quiet, just me and my thoughts. so i thought i would share some.

i am still basking in the joy of the adoption of our son, Grey Matthew, who we adopted this last thursday. i feel like our family is finally whole and complete. it is a fabulous feeling and i feel so very blessed. i have an amazing husband and four beautiful, healthy children who were ordained by God to be ours. we have amazing parents and siblings. i still have all four of my amazing grandparents! our friends are the best anyone could ever hope for! we love our life in Houston and our church family! and most importantly, i have an amazing God who shows me love and grace every day of my life. life is not easy, but loving and being loved has to be about the greatest thing God has given us. so, you see, i feel amazingly blessed this holiday season!

on a different note...today is my baby brothers birthday. he is 24 years old which is soooo hard to believe. i will never forget the very first time i saw him in the hospital. he was so tiny that he fit in a stocking. needless to say, he no longer fits in a stocking :) he is a college graduate and works for a production company and i am soooooooo proud of him! so, happy birthday, bubba!!!! i love you!


to anyone reading this blog right now...may your christmas be filled with family, friends and most importantly the love of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!!!

our first return home...

i really wanted to post some pictures of our adventure home but i left my chord at home.....bummer! so, i'm unable to post pictures. sorry to those of you who thought you would see pictures.

good news....our house is fine. our electricity is on. huge praise!!!!!!!
bad news....our fence in the backyard is in bad shape as well as our trees took a pretty bad beating. i will post pictures as soon as i am able.

we are heading to rockwall (my parents) on wednesday and then will head back to houston with the kids on friday.

hurricane ike......"we no like"

the above picture of my children was taken at galveston this summer. it's crazy to be seeing much different images as we see the devastation that hurricane ike has caused. obviously, galveston got the brunt of the storm. seabrook also has so much damage...we have many church members who live in the seabrook area as well as our minister to children. it looks like our area (clear lake city) didn't get quite as much damage as was anticipated. however, there are still 5.5 million people without power in the houston area and many of those are clear lake. we also have a church member who had part of their roof collapse and has severe damage. a friend drove by our house and the church and it appears that ike had mercy on us. there is still a lot of debris on the roads and they are asking houstonians not to return as of now.

when we are able, kyle and i are going to head back in to clean out the fridge and get some more clothes. when we left they were anticipating the storm to hit closer to corpus. so, we were thinking we would only be gone for the weekend. things certainly changed.

through all of this difficulty and devastation there will be many opportunities for ministry. we are looking forward to helping our community and surrounding areas as much as possible. as of right now...we have no idea when we will be able to go back home. schools are closed until further notice and we don't know when power will be restored.

prayers are appreciated during this time as there are so many reeling from the effects of ike. hopefully, the body of Christ will band together and shed some major light in our community and as He always does........He will make His name and renown known!

thank you for your prayers, support and concern for our family. we are thankful that we are all safe and that we still have a home to go home to. i will keep you updated :)

i know...i know....

it's been a LONG time since i have sat down and blogged.  excuses....let's see.....i'm tired, i have four children and i rarely even have time to return phone calls or call family and friends.  ok, but those are just lame excuses.........it would only take me a few minutes a night if i would actually keep up and not have to write a book.  so here are a few quick updates.

rylee just finished her second week of kindergarten and is thoroughly enjoying herself.  she seems eager to learn and has met lots of new friends (of course :)  kyle and i both shed a few tears on her first day...by the second day it was more like "see you later.....".  having one gone during the day definitely changes the dynamic and is a little easier.  definitely less sibling rivalry going on.........

kade and lily started preschool on thursday.  they go two days a week and lily was soooo excited to bring home some homework so she could join her big sister :)  they continue to grow like weeds and it's been so fun to watch their personalities develop.....they are twins, but sooo different :)  they do have a special bond that is neat to observe.

grey...what can i say? he is an angel :) grey will go to mother's day out on tuesdays only.  i'm so excited to have a day to myself.   he continues to be such a great baby and has brought so much joy to our family.  he was the missing (and final!!!!!! :) piece to our family puzzle.  he's getting around pretty well.  mostly he does a wierd army crawl where he drags his legs behind him :)  he is pulling up, saying and waving bye-bye, clapping and saying mama and dada.  

on a bummer note...my purse was stolen last friday.  if you've ever had a wallet or purse stolen, you know what a nightmare it is.  got the bank stuff situated...still have to get my license and social security card replaced.  (yes mom, i know that you told me not to carry it with me......you were right, ok!!!!:)  

ok...that's it for now.  i will try to write a little more often.  thanks for reading!!! :)

so much to catch up on......

the kids and i left thursday, the 19th to head to sunrise beach where my aunt and uncle live. we got there every year for my mom's side family reunion. as always, we had a fabulous time with family, jet skiing, boating and tubing. so much fun...and i LOVE my family! i wish i could see them more than once a year. my pop turned 85 on the 19th. he just finished a memoir and gave everyone signed copies. it is a priceless treasure from my amazing grandfather who graduated from tx a&m and became an ag teacher for 35 years in the same school district. he served his country in world war II and has been an amazing husband to my mammaw for 60yrs this year and has been a devoted and loving father to five children. there are 12 of us grandkids and ugghhhhh...a lot of great grands :) can you tell i love my pop and am very proud to be his grand-daughter? :)

upon leaving the family reunion we came to rockwall for the night. on sun. night the buses came to dallas and picked rylee and i up to go on to youth camp in colorado. 16 hours later we arrived in colorado and after about an hour stepping off of the bus, my allergies went crazy!!!!! ughhhhh..i was miserable. i couldn't breathe and i've never sneezed so much in my life. there was cotton from cottonwood trees flying everywhere. it looked like snow. i'm assuming that is what i'm allergic to. anyway, after three days of misery i discovered a God given thing called claritin d and afrin nose spray. woo hoo..................i felt better on thursday and friday :)

youth camp was amazing. two girls from our group entered into a relationship with Christ, which was the hightlight of the week. the focus of the week was on God's love for us, our love for one another, community. i could go on and on about things that God showed me but i would be writing all night. i'll just sum up that i came away wanting to LOVE more, give more and serve more.

my babies turned 4 on tuesday! it was hard being away from them on their birthday, but my parents made a BIG deal over them :) we are having a party on july 5 in waco where we will officially celebrate their birthday. they are getting so big... i was soooo glad to see them and grey. it's nice to have a break but hard when your separated from your kids.

we are in rockwall tonight. i'm recuperating from the trip and then the kids and i will head home tomorrow. i'm still not feeling well. i'm sure it's a combo of allergies and lack of sleep. i took a 3 1/2 hr nap this afternoon and woke up feeling like doodoo. is that how you spell it? oh well. you get me.

i leave you with a quote from Gandhi...i hope you find it as challenging as i do.

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

these words are sad and challenging. God, may we truly understand what it means to live like Christ. help us to know the true meaning of love!

can't think of a good title :)

i took grey to the doctor yesterday.  he had to get three shots and blood drawn from his little arm :(  the reason for the blood is....apparently the state cannot find his newborn screening.  therefore, they had to do a new one yesterday.  ughhhhhhhh!  frustration abounds when it comes to the state!!!!!!!  anyway, my sweet friend Kristi (mom to 4 yr old triplets) kept my other three yesterday afternoon while i took grey to tx children's and then meredith came to get them from kristi's and brought them home.  grey and i got home around 6pm.  it was a longgggggg afternoon and we were both worn out when we got home.  i'm soooo grateful to kris and mer for taking my kids...thanks guys!!!!!!!  love you both :)  

it has been a busy week.  been gone a lot from the house. today is laundry catch up day, then we are going swimming at kristin's apts.  the kids are super excited and i'll be glad to get a little sun :)  hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!!!!    

Ode to Julie...

today is my sweet friend, julie's birthday!  i'm sad i can't be with her, but sooo happy that we got to spend last weekend with them.  julie...you are an amazing friend and i am sooooo blessed to have you in my life!  i hope your day is amazing and you know how very special you are!!!  and now i will "blog sing"....

happy birthday to you!  happy birthday to you!  happy birthday, dear julie!  happy birthday to you!

I LOVE YOU!  :-)

here is my daughter, world. would you like fries with that?!

so i'm having a little trouble fathoming the fact that rylee starts kinder in the fall.  it feels like i am giving her to the world and i don't think i am ready for that!  for the past 5 years of her life the majority of her life has been spent with me.  i filter, teach and influence.  (not that i have done a perfect job by any stretch of the imagination)  she has been in an amazing preschool where she has learned and grown with Christian teachers and influences.  now...it's time to let her go into the world.  will she have a teacher who knows Jesus?  will she make friends with children who have grown up with healthy influences?  have we instilled in her to do the right thing no matter what?  these are the questions spinning in my mind as i come to a place of letting her go into the world where she will be influenced by things beyond my control.  "beyond my control" is a difficult concept for this self proclaimed "control freak" :)  

this is the point where i put my money where my mouth is regarding faith vs. fear.  these are the truths i know:

1.  we have instilled and fostered a knowledge of Jesus Christ and the influence we want Him to have on her little life.

2. we have instilled values, morals and a standard to live by

3. most importantly, she doesn't walk into kindergarten alone

my life verse is proverbs 3:5,6.  trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  in ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. 

so, i trust on the truths that i know:

1.  He has absolutely never failed me

2. He has a plan for rylee's life

3. she will face difficulties and temptations and i won't always be there to help her

4.  her journey is hers....not mine

5.  He will NEVER leave or forsake her

i think #5 is my favorite.  no matter what she will face in her life.  He will never leave her.  i can rest in that.  i will be there for her to help her along her way, but ultimately this is her journey.  i can't  control it and honestly, i wouldn't want to.  the difficulties and struggles we face in our Christian walk mold us into the people that God desires for us to be.  if i protect her from the world i cheapen God's role in her life and ultimately i rob her to know and experience the amazing grace of God.  oh...how i desire more than anything for my children to truly experience God's grace.  i don't want perfect little Christian robots.............i want children who humbly know that we are nothing without His abundant grace.  now.....in order for them to experience that grace....they have to screw up on their journey....probably majorly like most of us......which they most assuredly will :)  

"Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, 

I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see".

fabulous weekend...

our dear friends philip, julie and baby ella came down from corsicana this weekend.  we had such a great time.  julie and i had pedicures on saturday afternoon and then julie, philip, kyle and i went to dinner at chuey's downtown (great mexican food :)  meredith kept the kids...thanks mer!!!! :)  it was soooo great to be with them.  we always have good times together!

Memorial Service for Maria Sue Chapman 11am

even as i type this, the chapman family is preparing to attend maria's memorial service.  my heart and prayers have been with them all morning.  please take a moment to say a prayer for them on this incredibly difficult day.  i wanted to share the following video...it is heart wrenchingly prophetic...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4B1XM9jWiLl

faith vs. fear

my heart has been heavy ever since i heard about the stephen curtis chapman family losing their five yr old daughter.  it is beyond my comprehension what it would mean to lose one of my children.  then, to make things worse, the fact that their son accidentally ran over her.  i can't imagine the guilt that poor boy is feeling.  what that family is dealing with right now is unbelievable.  we need to keep them covered in prayer...

rylee (my five yr old daughter) and i were driving home from the grocery store yesterday.  i was thinking about the chapman family as rylee started singing from the back seat "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine...you make me happy when skies are grey...".  i said a prayer and thanked God for my precious first born but also acknowledged that she, first and foremost, belongs to Him.  how scary it is to be a parent.  these precious little people are entrusted into our care and there are no guarantees.  fear is a paralyzing force when we allow it to control us. freedom from fear comes through faith in a God who is sovereign, just and loving.  Lord, help me choose faith and not fear!  

incubator and sperm donors

i ended up taking kade to the ER on Saturday.  his fever was continuing to spike and his cough getting worse and didn't want to wait until today to take him in.  turns out he has bronchitus (sp?).  the dr. gave him an antibiotic to prevent infection and cough medicine.  he's doing much better and is no longer running fever.  hopefully, this won't be passed around like the fever virus....so far so good.  

got news friday that grey's incubator (bio mom) signed away her rights.  wasn't worried but relieved to know that.  she also named a sperm donor (bio father) who is currently in jail.  he has to sign away rights or sign a waver stating that the child is not his.  also...she is legally still married to the twins' sperm donor and therefore he has to sign a waver stating that grey is not his. (sounding a little soap operaish?)

hopefully...both prospective sperm donors will sign whatever and we will get to officially adopt in october or november.  i would love to have it done before christmas.   we have to have him 6mths before the adoption can be final.  

i don't mean to seem harsh with using the words incubator and sperm donor... i actually looked up the definition of mother and father in the dictionary.  i was curious what it would say. interestingly enough...the definitions were "a female or male parent".  so...i looked up parent and found that a parent is "a person who brings up or cares for another.  i just don't feel they have the right to be called mother and father.  kyle and i are the male and female parents and we are the ones that are bringing our children up and caring for them.  therefore, we are bestowed the honor of being called their "mother and father".   ok....stepping down from the soap box :)

on a lighter note...i'm going to dinner with kristin and kristi tonight.  we're going in honor of our birthdays.  they are all close together...fun times...can't wait.  in fact, it's what is getting me through the day...i'm pmsing like crazy!!!  i know......tmi........but it is my blog!!! :)

blessings on this fine day!!!!!! 

  

facebook rocks!!!!!

ok......so i'm a huge facebook fan and here is why!  i have found old friends from zimbabwe that i have had no contact with for twenty years.  it's crazy.  another one of my best friends in 7th/8th grade found me today.  i was sooo excited.  it's just really neat to be able to know where these old friends are and what they are doing now.  some of them live in new zealand, australia, england and there are a few still in zimbabwe.  zim is in a lot of turmoil and has been for many years...it breaks my heart.  pray for zimbabwe...they need it desperately. 

facebook allows you to keep up with people from every stage of your life.  it's just really cool.  isn't technology grand???

kade and i are home this weekend.  kyle took the girls and grey to waco to see his family this weekend.    we were all supposed to go, but kade started running fever again. don't know what is going on with him.  might be taking a trip to the doctor this week.   

got a certified letter about grey's permanency placing staffing coming up.  basically everyone involved in his case can show up and throw in their two cents.  i'm hoping to get to go.  i think i need to be there.  i don't anticipate anything negative but i know that bio parents get certified letters too with there option of representation of their choice...which the state pays for...how much sense does this make i ask you?  ughhhhh.  the system...i could go on for days!  but i won't.  

ok...enough rambling.  i'm going to fix my sick baby boy some lunch.  it's been kind've nice to spend some time alone with him.  we don't get that very often, so i'm trying to take advantage of it.   

6 pds...woo hoo!!!!

ok....so i realize that this is all water weight...but still......it feels good.  i've made really healthy food choices the past two days and have started exercising again.  so...i have a kid story for you and it went a little something like this...

(upon me asking the kids to clean up the playroom, the following conversation ensued)

rylee:  why do we have such a mean mom?!

kade:  yeah....mom is mean!

rylee:  i think we should find another mom!

lily:  yes...one that won't make us clean up!

...they then broke out into song (not kidding).  they started singing "it's a hard knock life" from Annie as they proceeded to clean up the playroom.  (lily even threw in a few flips and rolls in her rendition)  i stood at the door CRACKING up.  my children are funny!!!  

baby grey turned 6mths old yesterday.  he has been such a joyful addition to our family.  i knew before we got him that the joy would far out way the difficulty and i was right!  he's been drooling like crazy...he's trying to get his first tooth.  other than that, he continues to do very well.  

i had teachers meetings with my kids preschool teachers over the past couple of weeks.  they are all doing very well and are all on target for where they should be.  i cried in kade and lily's meeting because i am soooo amazed at God's goodness.  for those of you who don't know, they were both very delayed in a lot of areas when we got them.  it's sooooo amazing to hear their teachers tell me how bright and enthusiastic they are to learn.  

rylee is starting kindergarten in the fall and her teachers feel confident that she is ready.  they told me to be prepared because she is the class clown and social butterfly.  (sound like anybody else we know :)  she is her daddy!!!!  i wouldn't have it any other way....she keeps us laughing just like he does!  

oh....danielle....i LOVE that you're reading my blog.  i'm honored that anyone does :)  also, i'll forward the pics to you soon.  you too, dimple queen :).....sorry i haven't done that yet!!!  

blessings everyone!!!

33 is 7 years from 40...

so today i turned 33.  every year in the thirties seem to get stranger and stranger.  a friend reminded me today that i was seven years away from forty.  how does life keep speeding up?  i feel like i'm on an out of control roller coaster..............stop..............i wanna get off!!!!  :) ok...back to reality.  

my weight has really been bothering me.  i'm a stress eater...many of you know this about me and many of you have seen me pack on 36 pounds over the last 2 1/2 years.  it all started when i got the twins...  i'm determined that i really need to get a handle on my weight before i completely lose control.  i've not had good eating habits and exercising has become non-existent.  so.....it's time.  i'm doing it.  i'm going to lose 48 pounds.  i've put a ticker to the right so you can track my progress.  you have my permission to "let me have it" if you don't see that ticker moving :)  

now i will recap mother's day and my birthday.  i stayed home from church yesterday morning because lily and grey were running fever.  (we've had some weird fever virus-started with kade)  anyway...around 2pm i started running fever and felt completely wiped out.  i pretty much laid around or slept the rest of mothers day.  woke up this morning still not feeling well....happy birthday to me :)  laid around again...kyle went to work for a little while and then came home to take care of the kids (have i mentioned that i have the most wonderful husband on the planet?)  there is nothing more miserable than taking care of kids when you feel like poop...  

he was planning on taking me out tonight but i asked if we could postpone my birthday outing when i was feeling better.  

all in all..............it was a couple of miserable days.  however, i must say that i can't help feeling incredibly blessed.  i have four beautiful, healthy and happy children and one amazing man who loves his family well.  what more could a wife and mother ask for???  

ok...i'm off to bed.  i have to wake up in the morning and play catch up after being off my feet for two days...............ughhhhhhhhhhhhh.....the laundry...it never ends :)

sick and tired :D

kade is sick and i am tired...  kade started running very high fever last night (104).  the other three seem fine so far.  i'm driving myself and them crazy trying to keep them away from each other (not possible).  he doesn't have any symptoms...just the fever.  weird.  he doesn't seem sick at all when his fever is down.  

i took grey to the doctor on monday.  it turns out that his "congestion/wheezing/breathing" is something that he will grow out of.  the doctor said that his lungs and ears are clear and that he has a "flap" or something that is making the noise when he breathes and that it should resolve itself.  so...that was good news.  also, he has been constipated and when he does have a b.m. it is very hard and sometimes painful.  she said to give him 3-4oz. straight prune juice.  well....it worked...he had 2 blowouts yesterday.  i was sooooo happy :) (i know you're happy too, Juju :)  

he weighs 17pds and is in the 58th percentile.  she said he is the picture of health.  yay!!!  

i registered my first baby for kindergarten yesterday.  it was very surreal walking into the school.  i was impressed with everything i saw.  the classes were very structured and i observed some teaching.  i know she is going to love going to school.  she is such a social butterfly and loves to learn.  i know i will be fine...it's just hard turning your baby over to the world.  

this weekend is mother's day/birthday weekend for me.  i'll be 33.  i haven't decided what to ask for yet.  i'm leaning toward a massage/mani/pedi.  we'll see.  every birthday seems weird now...  mentally, i still feel like i'm 24ish.  physically, i can tell i'm 33 :)  

getting excited about the summer.  a lot of fun stuff going on with the preschool ministry, rylee and i are going to high school camp and meredith johnson is coming to live with us!  she is going to intern with our preschool minister/take classes at San Jac and live with us for the summer...soooo excited!  

ok...that's all for now.  i need to get busy..have tons to do.   

pics of grey

i finally emailed pics of grey today.  if you didn't get them, it means that i don't have you're email address :)  if you'll send me an email, i forward the pics to you.  hope everyone has an amazing weekend.  we have a shower tonight for grey...so excited!!! :)  

randomness.....

so , mommy friends, have you been hearing about BPA?   i don't think we need to panic but it's worth looking into.  i changed all of grey's baby bottles today to the playtex inserts.  they don't have bpa and the ones we were using were apparently very high in bpa levels. so, i think it's a matter of being smart, doing what we can and leaving the rest in God's hands.   you can find a ton of info on the internet if  you google bpa.  

things are going well.  my mom came into town today.....YAY!  i have her until next wednesday and i'm soooo grateful.  she is super helpful when she is here and helps me get a ton done.  i have several projects that i'm hoping to accomplish including spring cleaning.  

grey is still doing amazingly well.  he is such a joy and the kids adore him!!!  they love having a baby brother to love on and play with.   we are all very happy with our newest addition and are slowly but surely sinking into a new routine.  he is still sleeping very well at night......YAY for me :D

i'm now dead on my feet and heading to bed...  have a great weekend everyone!!!!

quick update...

life has been a whirlwind the last few days and i should be in bed right now but wanted to give a little update.  first of all, a debate ensued between kyle and i about whether to spell the babies name "gray" or "grey".  as most of you know, i have been spelling it "gray" and was in favor of spelling it that way.  after much debate...i gave in.  i know...i know........that doesn't happen often :) so we are spelling our new precious son's name "Grey", who by the way is the best baby on earth! he is such a good baby.  unless he is tired, hungry or poopy............he is as happy as he can be.  (thank you, Lord)  i think God knew that might be all i could handle.  

needless to say, we are thoroughly enjoying every moment with him and have completely fallen head over heels in love with this child!  he loves his brother and sisters and they love to make him smile and coo.  his favorite spot to go to sleep at night is on his daddy's chest.  it's so sweet......he follows kyle around the room with his eyes and lights up when his daddy talks to him!  

as far as sleeping goes........night #1: up about three times to pat him, 5:30am to feed him

night #2:  up at 4am to  pat him then 5:30am to give him his pacifier and pat him

last night:  the child slept all night long and woke up at 7:15am.  it was awesome!!!  and i was sooo glad, cause we have to get rid of that 5:30am feeding.  heaven knows he doesn't need it...he is a little chunk :)  and cute as he can be.  

i know everyone is anxious to see pics.  i'll send an email soon....promise :)  ok, going to bed and praying for another night of sleep!  

WOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Got the call today.....Gray Matthew is coming home tomorrow!!!!!!!!  I still can hardly believe it even as I type this...... :)  needless to say...we are thrilled!  thanks soooo much to everyone for your prayers during this whole thing.  don't stop praying...we still have to get through adoption!  mom's rights haven't been terminated yet....but they haven't heard from her either...so i'm not too worried.  i'll try to blog as soon as i can....but it may be a few days.........i'll be adjusting to being mom to four!!!!  yay!  (i never thought that would come out of my mouth with excitement...isn't God good?  i'm so glad he knows us better than we know ourselves)

have a blessed week!!!!!!!